Sunday, July 29, 2012

Rather Disappointed In Myself

*Sigh* I have been working on this post since like the 16th of July :(  

For more then one reason. Other then not having updated this blog since January 20th but also some personal things that have happened. First off after my last post I knew something was going to happen and it wasnt going to be good, well on Jan 24th I was hospitalized for pre-e and the possibility of liver failure due to high blood pressure. Then on the 27th our son was born at 34 weeks and 3 days. Trystan stayed in the hospital for roughly 3 weeks and came home healthy and of good sized. Im making that part short because I really dont want to deal with those feelings right now about not getting the birth that I want so that will have to wait till a way later date. 

Anyway the main reason that I am disappointed in myself is cause with Dante I wasnt able to even pump breastmilk for more then a couple weeks and felt like i failed him even though i know every drop counts. Well with Trystan I may have not been able to actually nurse him but I have been exclusively pumping which is like ten times harder then straight up nursing or formula feeding. BUT now thats all changing, Trystan will be 6 months one the 27th and even though that is the minimum recommendation it still hurts to think that for reason I have decided to forgo my one year goal and switch to formula. I have not been able to nurse Trystan for the reason that he has a tongue tie that doctors around here refuse to acknowledged and insurance that refuses to even think of dealing with it till he is talking and it effects his speech.  I cant nurse him without server pain and him destroying my nipples, so i buckled down and went head first into pumping. It took dedication to just make it a few months let alone till he was 6 months. But now its taking a toll on me, emotional, mentally and physically.  Im weaning myself off of the pump and will be letting myself dry up, Ive got enough frozen milk to last for roughly the rest of the month so I will be using it to gradually switch him over to Similac Advance formula (unless next month his pediatrician wants him on Neosure). It kills me to have to put him on formula but I know that its there for a reason and that Dante did just fine on it. 

So on July 18th I opened our first can of formula and Im currently mixing one ounce of formula with 3 ounces of thawed breastmilk. On July 25th I opened our second can, one can lasted a week but that was with only mixing up one to two 4 ounce bottles of formula a day. I cant imagine how fast he will go through the cans once he is on it full time. 

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