Tuesday, November 23, 2010


I don't think I have really realized that my life is totally complicated till today when I actually sat on the couch and thought about it.  I mean ya I knew that once in awhile something would happen that would totally throw bump in the road but when I look at the entire picture I realize that the road I travel is nothing but potholes!  Sometime I think that my life would be perfect for a daytime soap.  Ok I know that alot of you will not want to read about me wanting and raving about my past but I need to get alot off of my chest and that is why I created this blog.  I don't want to start from the beginning beginning (I'm not even sure where that is anymore).  I can shorten up everything up till about two years ago but then I just know that it will get way detailed.  So if I start from 2005 that would be something like - Lets see:

In 2005 I started college at COCC for the first time and moved in with one of my uncles and his wife.  I became more concerned about working my job that I also had that I ended up dropping out of school and working full-time at Target which I loved.  I was fired from there after the boss said they would have kept me on as a permanent full-time employee if it wasn't for someone called saying they were my mother checking to make sure I was at work all the time (my aunt). I was pissed I ended up calling my grandmother and crying telling her what happened and what they told me.  Got in a huge fight with my aunt and moved out.  Ended up moving in with a family friend a couple months later which then was later kicked out cause the strict ass ex-military ass wanted me to mow the grass every fucking day!  Spend the summer of 2006 back home and was going to move in with a friend for a couple weeks but then ended up moving in immediately with a guy (Nathan) that I met and fell instantly in love with (first guy I ever dated or was ever with).  That was Sept 2006, we married that December 4th, nine days before I turned 20.  We moved from Bend to Redmond to Sisters and back to Redmond in a span of about nine months.  The entire time Nathan was physically, emotionally, mentally, verbally and sexually abusive to me.  My now fiance (Tim) (Nathan's ex-best friend) found out after I freaked one night and made Nathan leave.  Tim got me out of there.  Needless to say it was a bad divorce, Nathan and I went back and forth I don't know how many times.  Well Nathan and I have tried to maintain friends but it wont work after what he did to me, I just has to say hi and I blow up at him.  I still have issues with him apparently! 

Well things where going so good for awhile for Tim and I, we were living with friends of ours getting ready to move and both start college when I found out I was pregnant with our son.  It was a surprise but we were both happy.  We had talked about having kids but we wanted school first then jobs then kids.  But then nothing ever happens that way I want it too.  Well since we where in a hurry to start school we had to take a room at a house that a women was renting out till we got money to rent an apartment saved, big mistake!  We were there from Sept 2008 till the end of Nov.  We had came back from Thanksgiving on the 29th and where immediately told that we had to be out by the 1st of Dec!  I mean wow.  She had shown our room while we were gone, entered without notifying us which was against her own rules.  She never once gave us notice to vacate or nothing and we hadn't done anything wrong.  We paid on time and stayed in our room most of the time doing homework, the only thing we could think of was that she knew I was pregnant (we told her when we moved in) and that she didn't like that fact that every time she would try to tell me what I could and couldn't do when pregnant I would get pissed and walk off.  Well we had Tim's dad come and help us move out the same night that she told us to leave! Mind out that she also rented out two of her other rooms and the one next to us we always had trouble with the guy in it and so did she, he broke into her room and ours and even admitted to it but she wouldn't make him leave.)  Well only a few days after that I ended up in the hospital in Redmond for the first time and was transferred to Bend and stayed there for two weeks due to pregnancy induce hypertension that they said could have been caused by the stress of what happened.  Well I wont go into great detail of what happened with Tim and I while I was in the hospital I will leave that for another post.  I was released Dec 12th the day before my 22nd bday.  We went and stayed with Tim's parents and then went back to my hometown for Christmas.  Headed back to his parents on the 29th cause I had a prenatal appointment the next day.  I went in for my prenatal and was sent to L&D where we sat for probably 6 hours without anyone telling us what was going on.  When the doctor on call finally came in and told me I had pre-eclampsia with HELLP syndrome and that our son hadn't developed for the since the last ultrasound, he gave us the option of being induced or having an emergency c-section, read more about this in my first blog entry.  Well our son spent ten days shy of two month in the NICU and it was the worst two months of my life.  Between that stress of watching our son fight for his life, the stress of Tim and I fighting, the stress of trying not to loss the love we had for each other and the stress of dealing with his fucking family we almost didn't make it though together.  (I will put all the drama between Tim and I, and the drama from Tim's family in a few other posts.)  Once Dante came home finally most of the drama we had to deal with came from Tim's family.  But I'm not saying that my family is far from drama free.  There has been alot of drama with my side of the family, but this is it for my vent for now.

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