Friday, November 26, 2010

Why Me? Why My Son?

Sometimes I look at my son when he is sleeping peacefully and wonder why he came into this world that way that he did.  I wonder why I was choosen to suffer the way I did and why he was choosen to suffer the way he did.  I know that I am a better person for what we went through and that I have learned to charish life more then ever but I just dont understand.  I have been seeing alot of moms-to-be lately complaining about either wishing that the pregnancy would either hurry up and end or that are complaining of being "over due".  They dont understand just how lucky there are!  Any mom that has had to have a child ripped from her body before that life was ready knows what I am aiming at.  I feel so cheated cause I was not able to experience the last two months of my first pregnancy and I will never get that chance again.  I do plan on having more children but it will not be the same.  I will never get to experience what all first time moms experience ever.  I hate when I hear moms talking about how they cant wait till they hit 37 wks so they can be induced or elect to have a c-section, I hate hearing moms complaining that they are past their due date and want the doctor to induce them.  Its not right they have no idea that there are millions of moms out there that would give the world to be in their shoes and would not complain once single bit and I am one of those moms!  I now feel so strongly about have as little medical intervention as possible during my next pregnancies!  I want to have a vaginal birth with my next children so bad! That will only happen if I allow my body to do it how it wants when it wants that even means going as far past my due date as my body wants!  I just wish more doctors would stop pushing and using scare tactics to get moms to give birth on their scheduals.  I wish that doctors would realize that the women knows her body better then they do and that they would allow the mom to have more controll over the birth.  This is a reason why I have alread made up my mind that I will only see a OBGYN up till my insurance will cover a Midwife then I will be transfering and having a waterbirth with my future pregnancies.  Yes people I already have everything figured out.  I dont want to have anything else taken from me.  I dont want there to be any other reasons for me to sit and hate others, I want to experience what I wasnt able to and more.  I want others to see that they dont have to do what the doctors tell them that there are other ways. 

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