October 15th ~ Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Today is the day when families remember those that are the most precious that we carried but never got to meet and those that were only with us for a short time. Today we remember all babies born sleeping.

I lose two pregnancies both very early, one back in 2007 right after leaving my ex and the other just over a year ago. I may have never got a chance to see them or know them but they are still and will always be a part of my heart. Its true when they say even the tinest of feet leave prints on our hearts.

I would like to share some poems that helped my through my lost last year:

"An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth.
Then whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth".
~author unknown

Angel of my TearsHow do you love a person
who never got to be,
or try to envision a face
you never got to see?
How do you mourn the death of one
who never got to live.
When there's nothing to feel good about
and nothing to forgive?
I love you, my little baby,
my companion of the night.
Wandering through my lonely hours,
beautiful and bright.
What does it mean to die before
you ever were born,
to live the lovely night of life
and never see the dawn?
Ah! My little baby,
you lived like anyone!
Life's a burst of joy and pain.
And then like yours, it's done.
I love you, my little baby,
just as if you'd lived for years.
No more, no less, I think of you,
the Angel of my tears.
~Author Unknown.

What Makes A Mother
I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked, "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can he replied
With confidence in his voice
I give many women babies
When they leave it is not their choice
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for the day
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God
I want my baby here

He took a breath
and cleared his throat
And then I saw a tear
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing Here

If you could see your child smile
With other children and say
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear,
but My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here!"
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who
had so much love for me
I learned my lessons very quickly
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow is where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
"Mommy, Please don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I am here"

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are okay
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lessons there are through
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates waiting for you

So now you see
What makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start
~Author Unknown

From my 'alter' I set up tonight at 7pm in honor of my babies and all babies that are lose.

I know that a lot of people think that you should no longer morn that of a lose pregnancy once you have a living child or that you should never morn a lose pregnancy to begin with but even though I have Dante and Tristan on the way I still feel the pain every year. I think of what it would be like if they had made it. What would they have been, boy or girl. What would their personalities be? I mean its constantly on your mind. You fear every pregnancy after a lose, think what if. I know that I should charish this pregnancy and I do, but there will always be the what ifs.